Regardless if your plan is for your children to remain in the U.S. or go with you to your native country, the goal is to keep relationships alive. How can we bridge the gaps that physical separation creates? Throughout our lives human beings need to have the continuity of relationships to help us feel secure. Deportation can shatter the physical closeness of a family.
Here are a few strategies that can bring you closer and help your family feel connected if you are deported and your children remain in the U.S.:
- Older children should know what the plan for the family’s care will be if you are deported and they remain in the U.S. It is important to tell them the basics. Where will they live? Will they go to the same school? How will they reach their parents? Who will be taking care of them? It is important to maintain a sense of predictability in times of great fear and stress. Having a plan makes your children feel cared for. If you know what will happen and have a plan, it reduces stress and makes it less overwhelming.
- Audio messages can be a way for a child to feel that they are not alone by hearing a parent’s voice whenever they need to. The message should be uplifting and soothing. Think of a message that is meant to be comforting when your child or adolescent is distressed. For example, parents can sing a lullaby for a younger child, read a story, tell a joke or give an inspiring message to a teenager.
- Telephone and video conference. If possible, it is important to have regular and frequent times to talk.
- Create a photo book or scrapbook of times shared together.
- Encourage the child to write letters, draw pictures or send photos to the parent who can share with the child on live video showing that they received it. This might be a very tangible way for the child to feel that he or she is reaching parents across the border.
- If finances permit, the children might visit their parents for vacations or summers.
If your child is accompanying you to your country of origin, you will need strategies for helping you and your child cope with the huge transition and loss of life in the U.S.
It is possible that you will not know the details of where you will be living. However, it is important to convey as much information as you can about your country to your child. It would be helpful to convey even general information about your homeland and culture. Making as much as you can known and predictable will help children feel calm, safe and secure.
If your children will be accompanying you, they will be leaving behind their home, their school, their friends and their country. They might need to learn a new language. There will be huge changes ahead. Your goal is to help them manage the change and to help them cope with the losses they are suffering. These will be challenging times and it is important to listen with eyes and ears. You can help them with strategies for keeping in touch with their friends in the U.S.. Families who are deported often feel stigmatized.
Families and children may have challenges being accepted in their new home by other children and local residents. If your entire family leaves the U.S., the strategies mentioned above for listening and having conversations will help you maintain connections and face challenges together.